One Step Closer

The house seems very strange today. Our oldest daughter moved out into her own place last week.  Our middle daughter moved out 3 years ago and I remember how hard that adjustment was. She moved to NYC and we cried through 2 states after we dropped her off. We were very glad she ended up coming back to Michigan. She lived with us again for awhile before moving out for good. It was sad when she left for the last time. But this just feels different.

Maybe it’s because Katie is the oldest.  She had lived at home for 25 years. That’s a LONG time to have someone under your roof.  She’s also a homebody. Katie prefers staying home and hanging out with the family to going out to clubs or parties.  So to NOT have her around the house feels really strange.  It also leaves me as the lone female in the house for the first time since I became a mom. The girls and I outnumbered the boys the whole time they were growing up.  Even when Cassie left, at least we were even. Now it’s just me. Alone. In a male dominated house. Ugh.  What if they rebel and decide to start leaving the toilets seats up?!?!

I didn’t think it would affect me all that much to be honest.  We have one foot out the door ourselves with our own move.  And I’ve got so much to do in the next month that it doesn’t leave me a lot of down time.  But here I am, missing my girl.  I keep a white board on the fridge that we put our weekly schedules on and there is just an empty space where her name used to be. Her room is empty and quiet. There are only 3 of us now to make dinners for. Someone else has to start emptying the dishwasher!

I suspect I am feeling a little more emotional and sentimental these days because I just lost my mom. Ever since then it’s like I am feeling things more deeply. Appreciating people more. So “losing” one of them is hard.  I can only imagine what my emotions will be like next month.  Jack is our youngest and is graduating high school. He’s moving into a place of his own here while we move 2.5 hours away. That is a lot of big things happening all at once!  I’m gonna need lots of tissue and hugs!

As excited as I am for Chad and I to start our “honeymoon/empty nest” chapter, part of me is very emotional about the family being spread so far apart.  We have lots of plans to get together as often as possible.  But it won’t be the same.  My brain says this is what is SUPPOSE to happen. You raise your kids to be strong and independent. To be able to make it on their own. We’ve done exactly what I set out to do. I can’t let my heart dwell on the past and get weighed down with all the memories and sad thoughts. There are fun times to be had and new memories to make.